01 September 2008


Earlier, I asserted that Wolf Blitzer was associated with Beverly Hills Cop. Further research has shown this to be false.

It has now been learned that "The Beard" is actually a form of kuato that has been removed from the abdomen of Michael MacDonald. (Artist rendering shown above.) This was apparently done shortly before MacDonald began "Takin' it to the Streets" because, in the words of Patrick Simmons, "the Doobie Brothers don't take no damn freaks."

This development fills in some blanks that the Faltermeyer Theory could not address. The most important of the questions was why would "The Beard" be so attached to his face-mane when Faltermeyer was a bare-faced German? Now we know that "The Beard" is not only part of a keyboard-playing soft-rocker who's been rocking facial hair since before I was born, he also spent his formative years just inches below MacDonald's chest hair. "The Beard" knows nothing else. To expect him to deny the facial hair and keyboard heritage with which he was suckled is inhumane.

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